Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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