Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
