hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
