you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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