I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
