Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
