do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
