i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
