Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
