So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
