Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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