You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
