The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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