i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize