Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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