I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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