Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
