She said her name was "party"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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