there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I want her autograph on my taint
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize