My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
