i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
