im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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