I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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