He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Damn victory sex feels great
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
