And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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