Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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