tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
