Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
