So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
