Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
