Swine flu. Run for my life!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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