Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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