so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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