My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
nutella sex= disaster
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
