I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
