I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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