I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest