my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
