Don't make out with my wife yet
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
