Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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