am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
