this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
