Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
