It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
