btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
