The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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