I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
