I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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