don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
