i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
