I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
