please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
