God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
