Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
