I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
