I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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