I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
