It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
