i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
