I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
