I just pynch a tree in the face
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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