I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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