I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
