maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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