I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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