So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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