but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
