Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's official drugs can't kill me
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
