Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Randomize
