so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
