Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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