I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
