So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
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At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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