I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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