So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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