life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
