I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
