Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
