so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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