I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
We named our party play list daddy issues
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
