I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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