Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
