that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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