well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
