I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My breasts were aching with rage.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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